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Rachel McGuire
New member
Username: Violarachel
Post Number: 1
Registered: 05-2007
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, May 24, 2007 - 06:13 pm: | |
Today I had a five year old violin student who has been doing so well refuse to play at her lesson! With some threats to take away play time from Mom she eventaully gave in but had a poor attitude during the lesson. This has never been a problem before and I was pretty useless at my attempts to convince her to play. I think this is where I'm at a disadvantage not being a parent myself and I'm rather inexperienced with really young students as well. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this type of behavior or any anecdotes from your own experiences? |
Jim Crawford
Senior Member
Username: Seanseamus
Post Number: 549
Registered: 11-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, May 24, 2007 - 09:45 pm: | |
Rachel, next time try telling "Okay, we aren't going to play then, and nothing that you can do will make us play. Put both violins in their cases, and have he sit down to "talk" instead. Make the talk about anything but music, and if she tries to talk about that, tell he "No! No music at this lesson!" Also close any music books that you might have out, and don't let her look at them. Often with children at that age, taking away what they say they don't want makes them want it. If she really starts to demand that she be allowed to play, don't let her at first, then relent a little "Okay, we can play just one song, but that's all!". I think that you might find that this approach works.
Jim |
Matt Pelikan
Senior Member
Username: Matt
Post Number: 165
Registered: 11-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, May 25, 2007 - 05:40 am: | |
Uncle Jim! Welcome back! |
Man
Senior Member
Username: Manwong
Post Number: 685
Registered: 07-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, May 25, 2007 - 08:04 am: | |
Ditto what Matt said! Hope all is well w/ you, Uncle Jim...
Rachel,
Sorry to intrude on your thread like that.  Unfortunately, I don't have any good suggestions to help, but Uncle Jim's suggestion of using reverse psychology sounds good to me.
_Man_
Just another amateur learning to paint w/ "the light of the world".
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Cellopop
Senior Member
Username: Curtis
Post Number: 1891
Registered: 11-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, May 25, 2007 - 04:54 pm: | |
WELCOME BACK UNCLE JIM !!!!
Rachel,
Originally I was thinking to just patiently wait it out for a few minutes and then just cancel the lesson since no one can really force a child to play and we don't want to cross that fragile line of having the child resent parent, teacher or lessons, BUT, then I read Jim's post of some delicate reverse psychology and agree that that would be the way to go. Do whatever it takes to have a little fun instead of the stringent work for that day and see how it goes. She is 5 after all and we can't always predict on how they will react to a lesson. |
Man
Senior Member
Username: Manwong
Post Number: 688
Registered: 07-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, May 25, 2007 - 05:09 pm: | |
True that about having "a little fun". Our Suzuki teacher is big on using various fun games to teach the little ones, especially in a group class setting.
Perhaps, in the future, you might want to consider having a few appropriate-to-the-lessons fun games prepared for certain situations as they arise -- and then maybe go w/ reverse psychology as the backup plan.
_Man_
Just another amateur learning to paint w/ "the light of the world".
|
Anne
New member
Username: Anne1685
Post Number: 4
Registered: 05-2007
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, May 26, 2007 - 08:18 pm: | |
Occasionally I have this happen at a young child's lesson - usually when the child is overtired or not well.
I have found that the best thing is to keep a friendly attitude and tell the child that the mother will have the lesson instead. I then ask the child to sit quietly on the floor using one of the mats that I use for teaching. I then ignore the child and teach the mother, praising every effort - just as I would for the child. I make sure that the mother's "lesson" also includes some of the common technical problems that her child is likely to have during the next week - and how to fix them. I have yet to have a child that hasn't wanted to resume playing after being ignored for 5-10 minutes. In the process, however, none of our precious lesson time has been wasted! 
You might also want to consider class lessons for very young students. I often have 3 or 4 year olds how become "too tired" to play. I now teach most of my students under the age of 7 in small classes of 3 to 4 students. The "tired" child simply sits down on their mat and the lesson continues. After a "rest" the young child usually declares themself "better now" and they return to playing with the class.
  \clipart{proud}The mother, however, has been able to watch the other children playing and learns from that!
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Caitlin Eileen Rose
Junior Member
Username: Orchid511
Post Number: 20
Registered: 08-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, January 31, 2008 - 03:46 am: | |
I teach 5-9 year olds in one-on-one violin lessons five days a week.
Five year olds rarely remember bad lessons for a long time. Chances are, if you give it a few weeks, she'll have a change of heart. Maybe for no reason at all!
The most important reason is to find out WHY she won't play. Sometimes there is a very specific reason ("Mom made me wear a coat today and I'm mad at her" or "It hurts my shoulder").
You can try an infinite number of neat little ruses to remedy these complaints. A new shoulder rest that is extra comfy (Fiddle Friends shoulder rests have persuaded many stubborn students!!! I always keep one with me), or write a song on sheet paper and name it "The No Coats Song"... stuff like that usually makes them laugh or more willing to at least think about picking up the instrument again.
Anne's suggestion of teaching the mom or dad for 15 minutes or an entire lesson is a GREAT idea. It works every time.
For students that consistently rebel or get whiny/stubborn during their lesson, I tell them that maybe next week mom or dad will come watch the lesson. Sometimes having the parent sit quietly in the back makes the child immediately pay attention and do very well. Then, you can praise the child, and since it is in front of their parent, they feel happy about the lesson. Maybe talk to the parent before hand, and encourage them to praise or reward the child for an excellent lesson.
Another way to flip the situation is to say, "Okay, fine. You be the teacher and I'll be the student." And take their instrument out of their hands. Play it, while the student takes your pencil or pointer and points to each note for you to play. Some students love this, and use it as a way to abuse you going, "You didn't play a high second finger! Do it again!" But the trick is they are also reinforcing their knowledge while getting to claim their revenge against their evil violin teacher! Be encouraging and clever.
Sometimes 5 year olds will have outright temper tantrums. They will cry if they can't finish a song. They will throw a book at you or slam on the piano. The best thing to do is to stop the lesson right away and play an unrelated game. If you can't calm the child, call the parent in and have them take the child home. You shouldn't prolong misery, or encourage the parent to force or push the child in your presence. They WILL remember that, and resent it. 5 year olds will forget about a small incident in a very short time.
There's always bribery. Stickers, candy, chocolate, pencils, ribbons. The local elementary schools that teach recorder/violin give a ribbon for each level they complete. The girls tie them in their hair, and most tie them onto their case. Be careful with candy, because it can backfire!
It's very important that you expect lessons like this frequently. Maybe I'm just used to dealing with kids who act-out, or just because I love little kids, but... If the parent wants you to keep trying, then it isn't doing the child harm to keep trying. It's nowhere near emotional torture if you're friendly and nice :-)
In my limited 4 years of experience teaching younger kids, I have lost maybe three 5-6 year olds permanently to severe behavioral problems. Actually, the only student I ever recommended stopping to was 14. Later, I found out he was autistic, which I suspected for awhile (I couldn't believe the mother didn't inform me of that!) The rest of the little ones have had occasional bad lessons where sometimes very little is accomplished. Some took a planned break (but always work out the date of the return lesson and encourage the parent to bring the child by to say "hi" during the break). I've had students come in for a "visit" where we both clean our instruments and our cases, decorate them with stickers, change an old string, play a game, etc. while they were on a break or thinking about quitting. It helps.
Years later, when they play well, they are happy they stuck with it. About 70 percent of the parents of my students sign them up for lessons because "they quit and they regret it." I would say, as a general recommendation, to keep trying for at least 3 months with a student who is prone to being stubborn. So many people wish their parents hadn't let them quit, and in the big picture, mildly unenjoyable lessons pay off and create happiness in the end!!
Hugs,
Caitlin |
Steven
Senior Member
Username: Steven
Post Number: 133
Registered: 11-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, February 25, 2008 - 08:53 am: | |
It all depends on how hungry you are ...
i have heard in a particular country, the kids there are doing at least 3 hours a day of practice, and 3 hours a day are the norm, if not the least....
I will be bringing my kid to a neighbouring country to help out in a rubbish dump church ministry, where hopefully she will see how fortunate she has been, and hopefully she will realise that there are many many out there who don't even have clothes/houses to call their own, and sleep in the rubbish dump, and violin lessons are a real luxury. It'll be a paradigm shift for my kiddo, i hope.
~ The Suzuki Diet ~
Eat only on days that you practice
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